The Queen of Hearts: The Confessions of An ‘Accidental’ Leader

I didn’t purpose to be in the space that I find myself in – Founder & CEO, Passionate Entrepreneur, EQ Fanatic and OWIT Nairobi President.  God plucked me from the path that I had set out for myself & set me on an alternative journey. At the start it all appeared somewhat ‘accidental’ but I know now that it was no accident, rather His design, His purpose for my life…

So now that I am here, these are my confessions…the lessons I am learning about being a woman in business, building an empire, one brick at a time…

 “Negotiation is about knowing what you want, going after it, and respecting the other person in the process.”

• Adapted

I have learned that it is not just salespeople who negotiate, everyone does – with family members about where to go on holiday, with children about their chores, with friends about where to go for dinner, with managers for salary increments and greater job responsibilities and with potential employers over package offered. While each of these examples has a different level of risk each requires basic communication & negotiation skills to be effective.

Negotiation is a key leadership skill – the ability to reach agreement or compromise while avoiding argument and dispute. The ideal outcome is a win-win. The principles of fairness, seeking mutual benefit and maintaining a relationship are the keys to a successfully negotiated outcome.

The conventional wisdom when entering into negotiation is to “separate the people from the problem” – but all too often, we fail to acknowledge the underlying emotional factors at play. Whether you are negotiating a crucial business transaction, resolving a dispute between team members or navigating a myriad of options in a strategy session, achieving a ‘win-win’ outcome for everyone requires the skill to manage emotional factors that may otherwise override rational thinking and jeopardise the ability to achieve an optimal outcome.

So how do we practice Emotional Intelligence when negotiating?  Here are 3 tips;

1. Leverage Self-Awareness

Regardless of whether or not we acknowledge them, our emotions drive behaviour, cloud situational awareness & hamper decision making. Emotions are data & when negotiating, they give insights that should not be ignored. Rather than seeing the impact of our emotions after the fact, true self-awareness involves decoding the data real-time & and understanding the effect your emotions are having on you & the people around you.

• Practice Self-Management

It’s not enough to decode the data.  In addition to understanding how you feel, you must be able to use that information appropriately.  To negotiate effectively, leaders must successfully navigate their emotions – resisting the impulse to react to the situation before them. It’s important to remember that just because you feel a particular way, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to act that way. 

• Engage Self-Purpose

What is the ultimate goal?  When we are clear about the why, about the desired outcome where everyone ‘wins’ – it impacts our approach to negotiation.  It is important for leaders to move away from being ‘right’ and focus on the relationship.

Emotional Intelligence is being smart with feelings – more aware, more intentional & more purposeful.  Emotionally intelligent leaders are better able to negotiate outcomes where everyone comes away from the table feeling as though they have won.

With Love,

The Queen Of Hearts

Mucha Mlingo

| Six Seconds EQ Practitioner | Master Trainer & Facilitator |

| Award Winning International Keynote Speaker |