The Queen of Hearts: The Confessions of An ‘Accidental’ Leader

I didn’t purpose to be in the space that I find myself in.  God plucked me from the path that I had set out for myself & set me on an alternative journey. At the start it all appeared somewhat ‘accidental’ but I know now that it was no accident, rather His design, His purpose for my life…

So now that I am here, these are my confessions…the lessons I am learning about being a woman in business, building an empire, one brick at a time…

“Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it. Release it.” 

Crystal Andrus

Over the last 8 weeks I have felt such a range of emotions – from both ends of the ‘emotion spectrum.’ From dizzying heights of excitement & anticipation, as we chart new directions at PTS, to the very low lows of disappointment, despair & feeling totally overwhelmed as I ask myself if I am moving forward at all, and if I have what it takes to lead my company into this new post-COVID era. 

One thing has become even more clear to me.  If Emotional Intelligence ever was a nice-to-have skill, it is now a must-have. 

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to blend thinking and feeling to make optimal decisions – it is being more aware, more intentional & more purposeful. And Emotional Intelligence is necessary to navigate this season of heightened turbulence, uncertainty and stress. 

The thing is, these BIG feelings, that bubble up inside & around you –they influence your thoughts & they show up in your behaviour. And when you don’t pay attention, they can cause a ripple that can be far reaching in it’s negative impact. 

So how can we go beyond just awareness – knowing how we feel, to successfully navigating those emotions, using them to propel us forward, rather than keeping us grounded & tethered to the spot? 

Emotions are a strategic resource but they are only useful when we utilise them fully. 

Be honest & admit what you are feeling. 

When we feel emotions that make us feel uncomfortable, our default is to supress, hide or belittle. But emotions are data.  Approach what you are feeling with curiosity, not judgement.  What are you feeling? Why do you feel that way?  What insight can you get from that feeling? 

Sometime last week, I realised I was feeling overwhelmed again – as though the load I was carrying had suddenly become unbearably heavy.  As I dug deeper and peeled back the layers, I realised that I had defaulted back to the ‘superwoman setting’ and I was doing all the heavy lifting at work.  

Recognise that emotions are neither good nor bad, positive or negative.

These loud emotions that we have been feeling – for many of us, for the most part – are feelings that we would label as ‘bad.’ We have been taught that when we feel anxious, frustrated or fearful – that is bad, those emotions are negative.  And when we feel happy, excited, loved – those feelings are good. Whilst it may not feel like it, emotions are neutral. 

So here I was, feeling overwhelmed.  What do I do with that feeling? I took a step back and reflected on my state. Rather than thinking I AM overwhelmed, I reminded myself that I am FEELING overwhelmed. I recognised that I was not defined by this emotion, rather it was temporary and it was providing me with invaluable information about myself and my world. 

Move forward & transform the emotion into the necessary action

Those BIG feelings that seem to have taken permanent residence in our lives – those up & down, roller-coaster-ride emotions, are actually an ally.  However difficult, however uncomfortable those feelings may be, they give insight about our world, ‘data’ that we can leverage & move forward into purposeful action. 

So – I reached out to members of my team & we had a discussion about what I could delegate & offloaded some of the weight.  Yes, I own the business, and I am the vision bearer, but those around me are more than able to help us move forward together to achieve it. 

Emotional Intelligence is being more aware, more intentional & more purposeful. To find balance in this season you are going to need it in spades! 

Stay Safe. With Love, 

The Queen Of Hearts 
Mucha Mlingo
| Six Seconds EQ Practitioner | Master Trainer & Facilitator |
| Award Winning International Keynote Speaker |